Is Your Inner-Child Sabotaging Your Life?

What Are Inner Child Wounds?

Merriam-Webster Definition of inner child

: the childlike, usually hidden part of a person’s personality that is characterized by playfulness, spontaneity, and creativity usually accompanied by anger, hurt, and fear because of childhood experiences.

Psychology Today says: “The fact is that the majority of so-called adults are not truly adults at all. We all get older. Anyone, with a little luck, can do that. But, psychologically speaking, this is not adulthood. True adulthood hinges on acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for loving and parenting one’s own inner child. For most adults, this never happens.”

Were you happy as a child? Did you feel unconditionally loved and secure? Was your childhood the safe and nurturing environment you needed? Do you have emotional scars that won’t heal? If you think this sounds like nonsense, consider your formative years are your childhood ones.

Have you ever felt irrational fears or anxiety for people in a room? Similar to feelings of inadequatcy and uncertainty that occur when facing a supervisor or associates, (but do not understand why). Like you want to throw a tantrum, but you cope by masking wounds with lies because of the shame and awkwardness of your inner-child trauma. Perhaps you’ve blocked out these memories in order to push on with the demands of daily life.

You are likely dealing with inner-childhood wounds. You may not be mindful you’re importing deep-lasting injuries from your past. These emotional injuries are damaging your relations and the wholeness of your life. You’re lacking, you’re NOT fine.

Sarah Jakes Roberts is a New York Times bestselling American author, businesswoman, and media personality who balances career, ministry, and family. Reknowned father: TD Jakes.

In this article, we’re identifying inner-child wounds. These scars are damaging your self-worth, limiting your potential, and ruining your happiness. When you’re damaged by awful events of abuse from people, you struggle in life. You’re in a perpetual life cycle state or trance of poor decision making. They have violated you, so you keep an arrogant front. Now you’ve become upset over trivial matters and have latent hostility from fears of inadequacy and trust issues. You’re not entirely whole as an adult and your relationships are unstable because trust issues have you parallelized with doubt. You’re fully into the breakup before it’s started.

Our society, family members and parents, established psychological oppression. Do feelings of inadequacy keep you troubled and angry? Emotional outbursts can occur from feelings of hopelessness. This is not a healthy way to live. You should never lose your sense of wonder or give up on yourself.

Childhood Wounds

Inner-child scars emerge from unpleasant experiences and poor treatment by others. (alcoholism, sexual or physical abuse, financial struggle, abandoned by a paternal parent or a fatherless home). Trauma such as being left alone when you need the adult support and care. Another is parents who didn’t acknowledge your cries, and you being told to “get over it” when you’re unhappy or bewildered. We learn a great deal from our environment and about our own capabilities. If we go through any pain or trauma during these early formative years in our childhood, we continue to be affected as adults.

Inner-child trauma includes: (These lists are subject to clinical updates.)

Having your parents forget and leave you some place or continuously let down
Experiencing the death of a parent or pet and not being allowed to grieve.
Not being supported
Being told to behave or shut up when you are uptight or sad.
Suffering abuse (physical, mental, emotional, or sexual) as a young child.
Environmental bullying and it’s discounted or over-looked
Lack social skills leading to feelings of inadequacy.
Being parented by parents who struggle with their own inner child issues.
Rejection and non-reciprocation
Parents, praise your friends or siblings, but NOT you. You can never measure up

Adult Scars

After suffering the injuries to your inner-child, you possibly lost a positive outlook on life which come from a healthy childhood. Instead of seeing possibilities, you are negative and always look for what could go wrong. You are hyper-vigilant and always on the lookout for trouble or danger. The terrors you suffered as a child have become internalized, and you have a type of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which can manifest when you are under pressure in your adult life. The child-YOU couldn’t, so the adult-YOU can’t either—or so you tell yourself.

Identifying trauma in your adult psyche.

You Feel Guilty All the Time continually Apologizing
New Things Scare You into Anxiety, Anger Issues
People Pleaser
Overachiever Syndrome
Feeling Like You’re a Terrible Sinner and Going to Hell
Self-Sabotage and Self-persecution
Coping through Addictions and Negative Habits
You Seek Relationships with Abusive Partners
You Feel Like an Outsider or Inadequate
You’re a Loner or Clingy- Jealous of Others (Hater)
You Chase Perfectionism
Fear of Commitments
Can’t Stand Up for Yourself- Fail To Set Boundaries
Slow to Start, Reluctant to End- Procrastinate
Lack Emotional Intelligence- Believe all Men or Women Are Alike when all people aren’t alike (irrational fears)

Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life : How to Unlock Your Full Potential for Success and Achievement by Brian Tracy

10 Tips To Heal Your Trauma | @CrappyChildhoodFairy

What a Healthy Inner Child Looks Like

Inner-child Explained:

The inner-child comprises and potentiate one’s positive qualities, but also holds accumulated childhood hurts, traumas, fears, and anger.
Authentic adulthood requires both accepting one’s painful past and the primary responsibility for taking care of the inner child’s needs.
By initiating a dialogue, they can reach a reconciliation between the inner child and the mature adult. (Notes from: Psychology Today article: Essential Secrets of The Inner Child)

Healthy Inner-Child

Someone with a healthy inner child practices self-acceptance and does not feel they must conform or fit in to make others happy. They have a well-balanced inner-child who sets boundaries. A healthy inner child accepts their authentic self, sees life for its opportunities, and has exuberance for each day. When you felt safe in your childhood, you can feel secure as an adult. You feel you’re respected, and saying “no” has power. You live life to the fullest without apology. Now you know what a healthy inner child should be.

Healing Your Wounds

Many of these traumas happen in impoverished neighborhoods because of the lack of resources, but they are definitely NOT foreign to enriched neighborhoods as well. We all have an inner-child and nobody is exempt from trauma because it’s part of the human condition. We all need to feel loved and accepted well into adulthood.

“Kind words and a real good heart doesn’t mean you get respect” ~ Joan Armatrading

Bitterness produces bitter fruit in all areas of life. Be careful what you say to yourself. Don’t internalize negativity by holding on to it.

Be mindful of how you treat others who’ve wronged you. Do NOT let bitterness, worry, and irrational fear take root in your subconscious mind. Your inner child is a vital part of your well-being. Without that part of yourself, you are less than whole. You are less creative, or loving. Without hope, there’s only fear.

You may feel like this isn’t for you, but if you’ve been blaming others, constantly complaining about life, rehashing past hurts and being bitter with regret, then this is totally for you. A negative mental self image will not produce positive results. Quit comparing yourself to others and run your race.

Happiness is possible and within reach with the right support systems or therapy. The more you move away from unhealthy by creating fresh outcomes, replacing old beliefs, and habits with healthy ones, the better you will feel and the happier you become.

Develop a healthier lifestyle. To heal your inner childhood, engage in the process of reflection, recollection, and re-affirmation. Don’t let bitterness take root. It should be a blessing or a lesson by learning to drain the swamps and taking out the trash.