Pretending To Know You

Has anyone treated you poorly without having known you? Or have they made disparaging remarks in your general direction, and you didn’t understand why? Or, possibly, you heard through the grapevine of gossiping friends, co-workers, and confidants that you were being fired, avoided, and barred from an event. If they aren’t pretending to know you, they’re labeling you and classifying you with some lowdown person they once knew. If you’re unaware of this emotional abuse, you’ll believe those lies. Did you know that many adults suffer from childhood trauma because of labeling? Someone spoke negativity over them growing up and caused them feelings of low self-esteem and lack of confidence. 

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Does anyone truly know another person? How many times have someone assumed things about you that were false? Earl Nightingale told this story about a pumpkin seed in a glass jar. A farmer was planting pumpkins into the earth. By his feet was an old glass jar lying in the dirt. A few seeds fell into the jar. It rained for a few days. However, after a few weeks, the pumpkins were ready to harvest. The farmer makes his way onto the field. He discovered a pumpkin had grown inside of the glass jar. He broke it, and the pumpkin took the shape of its container. The analogy is mental; people can be like the jar pumpkin, conforming to their environment and never maturing past the point of their constraints. Labeling people is an assumption that causes emotional pain. It’s also contagious behavior. It’s not constructive criticism. It’s negative.

A folktale about pumpkins.

How to stop labeling others

Respect their desire to be uniquely themselves. Strike up a conversation with them and get to know them. Opening up the lines of communication is the best way to understand anyone. Dialogue clears the air for new friendships. Assumptions about anyone’s personality are the unfair killer of any relationship and the seeds of discrimination. Grow beyond limiting constraints by forming new mental pathways to learn about others. Don’t allow yourself to gossip or have conversations about the person. 

For this reason, love at first sight is often a mistake. Take the time to understand and know others, or it’s best to remain quiet about who you think they are. Learn to become less critical by respecting boundaries. Ask more questions and assume less. Judging a book by its cover has never worked in a library of inanimate books, and it will not work with any complex human being. If you are still determining whether this is sound advice, begin with a simple introduction. Remember, labels are for jars, not people.

“Build up your weaknesses until they become your strong points.” ~ Knute Rockne