Jealousy is a Weak Disease
The green-eyed monster next door
Around the age of 14, a family moves next door. They appear to be nice, and it surprised me to find out their daughter is around my age. Cherlynn has several brothers, and she is the only girl. I too was an only daughter in my family. I was eager to make friends, so I introduced myself. Life was amazing because of my newfound friend. Our birthday parties were a blast because we celebrated them together.
Her mom shopped at the same clothing stores. We wore the exact outfits each school week. No one can tell us apart. We were sisters. The transition was innocent and subtle. Blending into a new neighborhood can be extremely challenging. It was heaven on earth, or so I thought. Cherlynn and her mom appeared in my ballet class, summer school art programs, bible studies at church, and other events. She asked if I had a boyfriend. I said yes, but he was only a pen pal because he lived in the south, far away from the city. I wasn’t allowed to speak with the local boys.
Then the backbiting started with personal friends, school teachers, and neighbors. My life was falling apart, and I didn’t understand how or why. I was living in hell with Satan next door. I felt the tension building in our social circle of gossipers and whisperers. My mom asked me to distance myself. An awful temper and physical violence prevented and yielded any attempts to stay friends. After our physical altercation, our families became distant, and I never saw her again.
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Why does jealousy happen?
Merriam-Webster describes jealousy as unpleasant, suspicion, or apprehension of rivalry. Envy means discontented longing for someone else’s assets. One might essentially use these two words as if they were interchangeable. The words are scarcely identical.
Distrustful people view the world from a negative perspective and are incapable of rational thought. The grass always looks greener on the other side because they haven’t watered their gardens. They recognize these shortcomings but neglect making improvements, instead blaming others. Many are selfish with low self-worth and want to extinguish anyone whose light shines a fragment.
When someone is envious, it’s difficult to discern or fathom. Their admiration turns into a competition and covetousness. It’s absurd to blame yourself. We must be accountable for our behavior. The answer is empathy. When you are empathic and loving, you’re clueless about any competition in that relationship (e.g., love blinded her). But you have an unknown adversary who’s placed you on a metaphorical pedestal. And your prevailing only fuels negative actions. Thus, being nice will not help because they’re harboring hatred. It may be a close friend, neighbor, relative, co-worker or a total stranger. Anyone is capable of destructive behavior when emotional intelligence goes unchecked. Distancing yourself works best.
Healing
The way we view ourselves differs from how others see us. Our imagination influences everything we do and who we want to become. Positive mental chatter or thoughts build confidence. Do you speak victory into your life and act with a positive mental attitude? My opinion of Cherlynn was far better than the one she had of herself. Life is about fostering good relationships. Jealousy is destructive, it hurts relationships and destroys the person who harbors it.
Learn to improve upon those areas where you are weak. Focus on self-care. Respect yourself by following through on self-made promises. Celebrate the small and large accomplishments with supportive people. The more you move away from things that harm you, the better you will feel and the healthier you will become. No one can see it for you.
Psychotherapy is often an effective treatment for jealousy. A person who experiences jealousy might benefit from working with a therapist to process painful emotions and reframe negative, damaging thoughts that affect their behavior.
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